Alice Wetterlund

Special, heartfelt thanks to Caroline Baumann, videographer and true friend of comedy.

But like the lyrics to the original song, it’s just a shitty situation. Have you HEARD my Alanis? It crushes. However this video tickles me and my beloved teammate Kevin is the “Guy Who Gets You Fired.” (1:51).

UPDATE: I thought I recognized her. The girl in this video is a model that I know, who is kickass. Her name is Sarah, and I’ve worked with her before at my dayjob. Huzzah!

New Yorkers love takeout. I love takeout. The astonishingly diverse array of delicious food available at at a moments notice for even the most far-flung Greenpointer never ceases to thrill. But for all the metropolitan foodie convenience that contributes to NYC’s shining reputation as Caput Mundi, there’s a dark and ridiculous side. I remember a friend of my dad’s describing the city to me once when I was a kid. He said it was the only place on earth where you go get a bottle of juice and they give you a napkin, a straw and a paper bag. Like a bottle of juice denotes a picnic unto itself. How regal!

Maybe it’s too much to ask at this point that the Chinese takeout place down the street that makes perfect fried bean curd begin serving their delectables in eco-friendly, compostable containers. That would easily double the cost of their packaging. But what if there were a way to cut the cost by 75 percent? I’m too lazy to figure out what percentage of takout clientele is actually taking their dinner somewhere they don’t already have soy sauce, sweet and sour packets, or at least their own utensils, but I’m willing to bet it’s pretty small. Like 13. What if we could just stop throwing in five ketchup packets, twenty salt and pepper packs, plastic flatware and a half pound of paper napkins with every meal (the above photo is the condiment and flatware that accompanied one meal, sans napkins)? Hell, I’d be satisfied with keeping the styrofoam containers and just eliminating the eccessive condiment stockpiling. Ok no I wouldn’t, because there is no satisfaction when it comes to eliminating superfluous waste. But I’m a pragmatic idealist, and baby steps toward sustainability are better than no steps toward anything. So next time you order out, make my day and tell them to keep their ketchup. If you need extra, email me. Due to my inability to toss things away, I probably have more than the restaurant does.

I mean that in good and bad ways, people. Celebrate with me by eating a million Newman’s Ginger-O’s. It’s cool because both rich people and poor people can enjoy them. Speaking of poor, when will spammers get a break?

This store is even trying to keep them from taking advantage of their sale by the looks of the poster. Boo!

Anyway, I have to go buy a Joan Rivers dress for Schtick-or-Treat now. I’m going as my alter ego, Alice Wetterland, AS Rivers! Come one come all.

Lastly, I don’t know where my logo with the little house at the top of my website went. If you can find it, I’ll give you my last cookie!

Reading Emily’s post about croissant eating reminded me that I needed to tell the world that I’ve been fooled twice into paying 2.75 for the worlds grossest croissant. It’s pithy and mealy and one imagines it might fall with a thud into one’s bowels after ingesting it in one bite because also it’s so fucking small. They sell it over at the disgraceful Antique Cafe on 26th St. This place is really bad, but I have to go there sometimes because it’s near my work and I’m late. Also the dude who is usually at the register is so insanely nice that I could never tell him this to his face. Just avoid that croissant.

Come celebrate with fish tacos at the Tell and Show this Sunday! See event listings at right for details!

I like to look through the Built By Wendy Collections from before 1998. It’s not as good as paging through Sassy but it’s maybe like smelling what it’s like to page through it, or just hearing. And I know what else will make you feel like you’re covered in 87,394 sequins: Seeing fave comedian Ali Wong, who will be performing at our next Tell and Show on July 12th. The fist time I saw her I wanted to eat my own face a little. She was strumming my pain with her fingers, singing my life with her observational comedy bits. You know what I mean. Info in the sidebar, yo!

Geez, that’s quite a review.

At first I was like, geez, that bird will not shut up! But then I did a little research: in an effort to extend even more consideration to those most directly effected by air pollution, the Obama Administration hired a special translator to parse the Presidents words for birds! Awesome!

Here’s the thing about my friend Taylor Williamson: He doesn’t have a day job. How that make’s him a professional you’ll never know, unless you come to the Creek this Sunday Night, 8pm, for the Tell and Show that is about to ensue therein. Special surprise guest! Why haven’t you been to this yet??

Details in the sidebar!

Where does it come from? What is it’s name? No, actually forget it. You need only point and ask “What’s that cat?” and to find out everything you need to know. Variate the inflection of the different parts of the sentence. Try it, next time you need to know.

In case you’re loving every second of the above paragraph, and are like why are there only like 3 posts on this website, that’s because it was just borned about a week ago and I haven’t done a “welcome to my new website” message, because that’s for loosers.

If you need to know what I was thinking prior to one week ago, go to whatsthatcat, my old site. There is a link to it in the sidebar. It was before I had more than 2 readers, so be aware of the raw content. I wrote about, as my male reader put it, “lipstick and shit.”

Anyway, now here’s where you’ll end up when needing information about me. Shows are in the sidebar under upcoming events. May I also reccomend the twitter? And for dessert: