A List of Things I Said to Cats Today at The Shelter
- How dare you talk to me that way, do you have any idea who I am?
- In a few weeks, you are really going to be embarrassed about the way you are acting (to Tinkerbelle, who was in heat).
- You shouldn’t have gone and got ringworm then, idiot. What? Oh, come on.
- Hey Henry, how’s being a crime against nature treating you… (To a dog that looks like a poodle fucked an ottoman)
- Why the cage? Because you’re a bag of nightmares (also to Tinkerbelle).
- Amelia! You’re the best of all cats!
- Amelia!!! No BITE!
Watch Mike Recine’s Late Night Stand-up Debut on Conan
The very funny NYC based Mike Recine made his first stand up appearance ever on Conan this week and, along with that, we’re reminded of how ridiculous that Mrs. Doubtfire movie is as well as the harsh rules of The Special Olympics.
I started volunteering at Sante D’Or, the shelter where my 2 cats, Birdie and Biscuit, were adopted. There are lots of lil’ fuzz-buckets there that need homes, and as I get to know there tiny personalities I’ll be posting about them in an attempt to place them. Fur-st up is Amelia, who is my No. 1 favorite. She needs to be in a home with no other cats because she hates them. She’s not a cat-person. She’s not a person at all, of course, she’s a cat, but not a “cat’s cat.” She simply cannot stand them, their dumb flexing-and-batting paws, the way they meow and chase fake mice or whatever, but mostly how they want her food. Once other cats are gone, she likes to play and get pet and be an amazing and beautiful snowflake of perfection. She is my favorite thing ever and will make your life better, just don’t ever rock her psyche by telling her that she is a cat.
Amelia came to the shelter as a kitten and because she gets so stressed out by other cats, she’s been hard to place because there is always some chiller cat in front of her in line. But today I got to know the real Amelia, and she is one of the greats. Let her into your life so you can have someone in your sad life with whom to listen to the records that you buy.
LA Area residents: Please call Sante D’or or stop by on a weekend from 12pm to 5pm if you can take Amelia.
Seeing it tonight. Everyone loves veronica mars. All adventurous women do, anyway. Wheeeeeeee!
Witness: the birth pangs of the diy crafting/handmade everything movement. For a while, there was a ton of a certain type of screamy mid 90s hardcore band, usually from the midwest, who were all seemingly trying to outdo each other by seeing who could package their records in actual garbage. This one stands out to me because instead of having a cover made out of a crumpled paper bag with a thrift store photo glued on it or something like that, they just straight up drew on the plastic sleeve. I get it- I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t have a zine made out of 8 1/2 x 11 inch sheets folded LONGWAYS pretty much only because I didn’t think there were any other zines that did that. Try and think of something more punk than having an innovative zine shape- you can’t.
I mainly mention that so that it’s clear the tone of this blog is not purely mocking (it is mostly mocking though). I am also fully admitting to have been involved in this stuff for years and years- I tease because I love(d).
Anyway get a load of that insert, if you can make it all the way through. It gives me the same embarrassed feeling as the part of the opening credits of Blossom where she dances in her room. Relax, dudes! Have a snack or something, you’ll feel better.
I have probably heard this record, but I have no memory of it. I suspect it belonged to an old roommate who was very into “sincere” punk stuff. Do you remember when there were bands that like, fell down and cried? Haha, I just remembered that.
"Try and think of something more punk than having an innovative zine shape. You can’t."
Follow my friend’s wonderful tumblr